A senior Tory MP has angered local constituents by berating scroungers for using food banks because they don’t have a cook. Crispin d’Hautefort, MP for Greater Umbrage South, took his own cook along to his local food bank to show his local scroungers that anyone could have a cook.

Speaking to local reporters, d’Hautefort said:

I’m very much a self-made man. I only started with a few million from my father and all I inherited from my grandparents was their highly successful business and a few houses. It’s not as if I was given the easiest start in life. So I think – if I may be so bold – that I understand how poor people can pull themselves up and achieve something in life. It’s clear to me that these scroungers are doing quite the opposite. Did I ask for handouts when I was starting out? Did I queue up to take someone else’s food? Hm? No!

D’Hautefort then went walkabout, talking to some of his local constituents who were queuing up for provisions from the local foodbank. He quizzed one local woman who was unable to feed her son due to d’Hautefort’s governing party haven taken away her Universal Credit, asking her why she hadn’t simply taken on a cook and a nanny so that she could go work for someone in the City, maybe as a secretary or a sex slave or something. When the woman had no response, he moved on to the next person saying “well, I hope you have a better excuse.”

The usual left-wing hand-wringers came out and made their mealy-mouthed socialist moans about this, that and the other. Ash Sarkar said something about not everyone having a rich father, which d’Hautefort immediately countered this morning on GB News:

Well, Ash Sarkar and her ilk only have themselves to blame. The fact that they’ve not pulled themselves up by the bootstraps and invested in the property market like my grandparents did only serves to destroy her argument. If anything, she is the reason people are queuing up at food banks.

The GB News presenters nodded vacantly at D’Hautefort who then proceeded to impersonate some ‘people with local accents’, having recently attended a training session by Michael Gove.

D’Hautefort then later appeared on Piers Morgan’s Talk TV show but nobody watched it, so we don’t know what he said.

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