The Conservative Party has withdrawn the whip from MP Quentin Butterscotch (Forest of Belch) after he appeared on breakfast TV and appeared to make sense.

Michael Gove in particular took umbrage at Butterscotch’s performance, pushing him aside and barging onto the BBC Breakfast set to “damn well show Butterscotch how it’s done.”

Gove then launched into a party piece of rambling nonsense and insulting impressions of voters, both confusing and offending a nation at the same time.

BBC presenters were stunned initially as Butterscotch proceeded to answer questions from the interviewers with full sentences and absolutely no effort to insult the British public. At one point, Dan Walker interrupted the MP to ask whether he was serious about his role as a Conservative MP and perhaps whether he wanted to correct the record when he said “we have to do something about the cost of living crisis.”

Walker spent a full twenty seconds looking nonplussed into the camera, fully expecting Butterscotch to laugh, correct himself and launch into a full-on rant about poor people, but ended the interview quickly after a voice in his ear told him that perhaps Butterscotch was not a Conservative MP after all and they’ve brought the wrong person on.

A senior producer said:

It all reminded us very much of that moment they brought that cab driver in and asked him about Apple. We were looking around at each other saying – what do we do? We can’t use this footage on Twitter later. He’s actually making sense. And then someone said – but he’s a Tory… so we kept it rolling. We kept asking Dan to press him, get some more Toryisms out of him, but this guy just wouldn’t do it. Thank God Michael Gove suddenly appeared.

Michael Gove shoved Butterscotch aside and put his microphone on, sniffing and yelling at the Forest of Belch MP – “fucking idiot, do you not know how to do a Breakfast TV interview? Watch you little prick.”

Butterscotch was then bundled into a waiting black Mercedes and taken to Conservative Party HQ for what one insider called “re-education”. Some believe that this re-education programme involves burning £50 notes and a series of challenges such as kicking tramps and insulting young people.

Butterscotch’s family are believed to have launched a petition for his release.


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