Our streets are choked with a swarm of self-righteous, loathsome individuals who have no care for anything other than themselves. These ‘foot louts’ walk freely around our streets and towns, slowing others down in their pursuit for progress. Only last night, I was driving home from a hard day’s labour, only to discover I had to suddenly slow down for one of these entitled pedestrians at one of their ‘zebra crossings’. The individual concerned glared at me from the kerbside, making eye-to-eye contact as if to say ‘no, you foul gas-blerting being, I have the right of way now.’

As I had been coasting at a safe 45 miles per hour, I had to wear down my brake pads more than usual, and made a point of edging the front of my car onto the crossing itself. However, our pedestrian friend did not take kindly to this act of kindness, and proceeded to walk slowly across the road, glowering at me as he did so.

We seem to have entered the era of the entitled pedestrian. The foot-walker who believes he owns the roads simply because he is “better for the environment” than me, a harmless motorist in a Range Rover Evoque, doing what I can to shorten my journey time in order to better the UK economy.

Here are some facts about pedestrians:

  • By walking slowly, they are causing an estimated £3bn loss to the UK economy every day
  • Zebra crossings cause an estimated 8 million hours’ delay to UK commuter journeys every week, and cause more pollution due to the extra acceleration required
  • 85% of pavements are unused at any one time – pedestrians waste space!

In days when pedestrians behaved responsibly, they would wait for cars to have made their passage before safely traversing the road. Pedestrians of a bygone era would bow gently to motor carriages and vehicles, in the knowledge that they are inferior to the man of transport. They would dress demurely and behave appropriately.

Today’s foot lout is an altogether different matter. Dressed frequently in yobbish, rapper-esque clothing with t-shirts, jeans and frequently the all-too-ubiquitous baseball cap, the pedestrian ambles along with not a care in the world.

With today’s lefty councils and town planners intent on grabbing even more territory for these foot-yobs, what is there left for the mild-mannered motorist? The never-ending ring-road of shame? More traffic lights and one-way systems? Bit-by-bit, these commie councillors are gifting our towns to the ugly menace of the wandering foot-lout with their gum and their headphones, their slack jaws and their mobile phones shining a light in their otherwise dormant faces.

Back in the 90s, the motorist was king. The out-of-town shopping centres sprung up, welcoming all like a beacon of consumer heaven. Come here, they proclaimed, but only come in your vehicle because it’s safe and it will benefit the wider economy. The left looked on in scorn, polishing their pedestrian shoes, biding their time and waiting for their ugly moment to come, and come it has. The radical liberals have taken advantage of “coronavirus” to reshape our towns and cities for what they perceive to be ‘healthy pursuits’.

What’s healthy about traipsing across roads full of cars with your hands in your pockets while rhythmically chewing gum to the dumb beat of some rapper or other?

This is what the left wants. They claim pedestrianism is healthy, and that it adds to the economy. Well, I’ve just lost 20 seconds of my life at that zebra crossing to some oik with £150 Apple ear buds in his ears, and time is money, lefties. My money.